l figured I’d make a personal post since it’s been a few weeks since the last one, I’m 63 days sober now and I feel great. It’s getting easier to cope with everyday, and to be honest, I hardly think about using at all anymore. I still get occasional cravings, but they’re easy to fend off. Oh, and I’ve got other news too. I’ve known about this for awhile, but I haven’t posted about it yet…so anyway, I’m pregnant. I had my first appointment today and I had an ultrasound done; before I went in, I figured I was around 17 weeks, but it turns out I’m actually 18 weeks along. They were able to tell what I was having and it’s a girl, I’m due on the 16th of June. The baby’s healthy and she’s got a heart rate of 142 bpm, which is good. - I nearly fainted when they weighed me today, I’m putting on weight like crazy. I guess it’s because of where I hadn’t eaten anything in so long, so my body’s trying to compensate now that I’m eating like a normal human again. Even though I’m not really happy with the weight I’ve gained, I can’t deny that I’m definitely looking healthier. I’m at least starting to look less like a tweaker and more like a normal person, my face isn’t all sunken in anymore. I just hope that I can keep my weight gain to a minimum from here on out, it’s going to be hard because I’m having cravings pretty often and I also seemed to have forgotten how much I love food while I was using. Anyway, that’s all for now.

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I’ve officially been sober for thirty-seven days, it’s kind of hard to believe, because I used to never see myself quitting…but I guess it’s not really hard to convince yourself to quit when you nearly lose everything you’ve ever loved or cared for because of it. I had just never hit rock bottom before now, I thought I had, but I hadn’t. I nearly went to prison and our house is quarantined and anything we left in the house the day we left was stolen…I guess all of this is what you get when you think you have friends you can trust; then again, if it weren’t for a good friend, I would be in prison right now. Honestly, I’m content with my sobriety…if anything it’s offered nothing but clarity, something of which I thought I had when I was fucked up all the time. I mistook chemically induced happiness for true happiness and that was a mistake. - I don’t care if I ever see meth again, I really don’t…and if you would have told me about a month and a half ago that I would feel this way, I would have laughed in your face. - I wish I could go back in time and never start using, and I also wish I had never learned how to shake a bottle. I never thought anything I loved so much could cause so much misery, but I was wrong. Farewell, Crystal; I hope I never have the misfortune of meeting you again.

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(Source: extraordin-ary)